Free
adj. fre·er, fre·est
1. Not imprisoned or enslaved; being at liberty.
2. Not controlled by obligation or the will of another.
3. Not affected or restricted by a given condition or circumstance.
4. Unconstrained; unconfined.
Setting: exit to Melbourne Central Station, January 28, 2010.
Spruiker one: Chocolate, free chocolate. Do you want a free chocolate? (holding it out to me with an enticing smile)
Me: Is this a dream?
Spruiker one: (Smiling) No
Me: Okay then, I’ll have some free chocolate please
Spruiker two: (holds out a leaflet)
Me: (holds out hand toward Spruiker one for the sweet chocolate treat)
Spruiker two: Would you like to take a pamphlet?
Me: No thanks
Spruiker one: Take a pamphlet
Me: I don’t want a pamphlet.
Spruiker two: C’mon, we’re almost out
Me: I thought you were giving away free chocolate
Spruiker one: (looking around nervously) We are
Me: Except I have to take a pamphlet to get one
Spruiker two: (looking relieved that I finally got it) Yeah
Me: I don’t want a pamphlet, I just want the chocolate thanks
Spruiker one: (starting to get defensive) Just take a pamphlet. You don’t even have to read it.
Me: (setting down my gym bag on the pavement and settling in for the argument) I don’t want a pamphlet.
Spruiker one: How do you know, you haven’t even looked at one
Me: I don’t have to look – I don’t like pamphlets.
Spruiker two (irritated) Whatever.
Me: Sorry, you said you were giving away free chocolate. Now you’re telling me I only get a chocolate if I take one of those pamphlets.
Spruiker one: So?
Me: Well, it’s just that that’s not actually free, is it?
Spruiker two: It is free. You don’t have to pay for it.
Me: Well, no, that’s not free actually: it’s conditional. I have to do something you want me to do before I get a chocolate
Spruiker one: Are you serious? If you want a chocolate, just take a pamphlet. Otherwise go away.
Me: I don’t want a pamphlet. I want free chocolate. You just made my day by standing there yelling out that there was free chocolate available, and now I find out it was all a ploy to get me to take some kind of propaganda I don’t even want or need.
Spruiker one & two: (look at me, perplexed).
Me: Are you familiar at all with the Trade Practices Act?
Spruiker one: What are you talking about?
Me: Are you familiar with the dictionary?
spoken word 'bourne
ha ha ha ha ha! that's awesome! i wish it came with an audio version!
ReplyDeleteIt was pretty funny AFTER the fact, but at the time I was extremely pissed off:)
ReplyDeleteI heard a similar story, though much less legal! I used to work in Cabramatta, drug capital of Australia, a dealer approached a friend and asked under his breath 'you want some?', the friend knew what he was selling but decided to play, she responded 'what have you got?', he said 'what everyone else has got!' Friend turned and pointed to the green grocers nearby 'well, he's selling apples, have you got apples?' The dealer cursed after her as she walked past him! There should be more honesty in spruiking!
ReplyDeleteHi Mark - well, I'd say it takes a lot more bravery to pull a dealer up on their spruiking manner, than a random leaflet distributor. Fantastic story. You should borrow it for a short.
ReplyDeleteThe academic philosopher in me really wants to know whether your very convincing argument won you a pamphlet free chocolate, but I suspect that is irrelevant.
ReplyDeleteIf I told you whether I successfully secured free chocolate or not Brad, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you.
ReplyDelete