How Would You Judge a Poetry Competition?

I’m judging a national poetry competition at the moment. The call came from out of nowhere:

Is this Maxine Clarke? Are you a writer? What do you mostly write?

And I’m thinking: This could be journalism work. Don’t say poetry...whatever you do, don’t admit it’s mostly poetry.

Uhhh... mostly poetry? (with some resignation)

Pause.

Well...of course I also write non-fiction and pro—

No, no, that’s perfect. We’re looking for a poet. I’m looking for someone to judge a poetry competition and maybe give some workshops.

Money. For poetry. Not non-fiction, not copy writing. Poetry. Proper money for poetry. Stay calm. Stay calm...

How did you get my number?

I actually have no idea. Someone gave it to me a few years ago when we needed some help with some poetry and then we found someone else, but I still had your number with me. Can you tell me a bit about your poetry experience?

I’ve rarely entered (‘on paper’) writing competitions. Partly because the very idea of ‘competition writing’ makes me feel a little grubby and partly because everyone always bangs on about how they’re rigged... they’re supposed to be blind read and they’re not...a ‘name’ writer always wins blah blah blah etc etc etc.

I don’t know why I give any credence to the ‘writing comps are rigged’ conspiracy theory (which is probably mostly espoused by disgruntled entrants), because out of the four times I’ve entered writing competitions, two of them I’ve won...both pretty much as an emerging or little-known writer.

I’ve also judged written poetry competitions before, and these clearly were not rigged. Unfortunately though the trend in the past has been that out of a hundred and fifty odd poems a hundred can be put on the ‘no’ pile straight away, twenty five can be put on the ‘ maybe...read a few more times’ pile and twenty-five are pretty much 'decent contenders'. I read each poem at least ten times over several days, and poems sometimes move from the 'no' pile to the 'maybe' pile, or from the 'maybe pile' to the 'serious contender' pile - or in reverse, but it would take something amazing to leap two piles in either direction.

I know, I know...if you’re a poet who does enter competitions frequently, you may well be outraged by this judging method. Sorry folks.

So part of me was thinking (perhaps hopefully even): Wow, this could pretty much be money for snoozing.

But now here I am, ankle-deep in poems and, quite frankly, peeing myself. Because I read the first poem, then the second, then the third, then to number twenty and then started to hyperventilate and couldn’t read on...

Because the standard of these works is mostly even.

And quite frankly, they’re all pretty bloody good.

So what does it come down to? Form? Subject? Rhythm? Rhyme? Originality? That get-you-in-the-guts kind of feeling a poem can leave you with?

I'm tired. I think I’m just gonna throw the pile up in the air and see which ones land at the top.

Joking.

JOKING.

I swear that last bit was a joke. Please take it as a joke or it could get me into some mighty kind of trouble.

I’ve been left to my own devices as to judging criteria, and unlike past writing comps I’ve judged, there is no co-judge to chew the fat with.

And I've only got a couple weeks to decide.

Shit.

SHIT.

So tell me, what do you love in a poem?