the break-up dictionary for baffled men

it’s not you it’s me
means
i couldn’t be bothered
discussing what a complete
tool you’ve turned out to be

you’ve changed
means
i never knew
what a complete tool
you were before

i’ve changed
means
how could i
not have realized what
a complete tool you are
until now

i don’t know you anymore
means
you are such a tool
to have hidden
what an enormous tool you are
from me for so long


we’ve grown apart
means
i don’t want to be
anywhere near you
because you are such a tool

let’s take a break
means
i never want you to come
anywhere near me again
but i’m scared to tell you
what a tool you are

i still love you
but i’m not 'in love' with you
means
you’re a bit of a tool
but there’s no point in
making you feel bad
about yourself

i just think we’d be better
as friends
means
i’ve realized you’re not
the sharpest tool in the shed
& besides
there’s a newer model
i’ve got my eye on